Drinks well with others. Happily dances alone.

Online dating…Profiles and keeping safe. — February 26, 2017

Online dating…Profiles and keeping safe.

I don’t know about you but I can be a very overly cautious person. 

As a woman who has lived in some questionable areas, I have navigated some tough neighbourhoods without being accosted. Sure you would get the ‘yo baby’, ‘mamacita’, and the ‘damn you fine’ shout outs but I never felt scared. I tell my friends to always walk with purpose, never be distracted, head up and perfect the look straight through a person but still taking everything in. If someone does try to mug you, throw something at their face. Natural reaction for anyone with sight is to throw their hands up then leg it as fast as you can.

Online dating presents a new way of trying to keep safe. People present only a limited view of themselves online. It is hard to gauge a person through their online persona. You may just only ever be breadcrumbed and never actually meet an individual but if you get the opportunity for an actual date here is some of my personal rules and dating tips. 

Grant it my dating tips are probably shite as I have been single for a while. So maybe don’t take all of my advice. đŸ˜‚

Dating profiles. 

  1. No pictures gets an automatic left swipe. To the left, to the left is your theme song. Cruel? Perhaps…but I have been contacted by enough married/taken men looking for a bit of side action that this homie don’t play that.
  2. Fake pictures. I have come across a couple of profiles where men have taken photos straight off other people’s Facebook or Instagram pages. I use reverse image search a lot when my spidey senses are tingling. 
  3. If the person you swiped right on doesn’t use text speak on their profile then don’t use it when contacting them. That’s one of the quickest ways to get an unmatch. 
  4. If a person’s profile has pictures of them clothed don’t be expecting nudes nor should you send nudes. There are ‘speciality’ sites that you can go to. Speaking of nudes be aware that your picture will be shared amongst that person’s group of friend. If you still want to send that pic then don’t include your face. Generally my advice is steer clear of it. Much better in person đŸ˜˜
  5. Those University of Life, School of Hard Knocks, and Full time Mad Bastard statuses needs to FUCKING die. It earns an auto swipe to the left. 
  6. Pictures of kids. It’s creepy. You’re on a dating site. You can acknowledge that you have kids in your profile but don’t share more than that. Generally speaking you should wait to introduce your kids until after a couple of dates like 10/20 or like 3 months. This goes for all sexes.

So if you navigate through all that and you find someone who piques your interest then set up that date. Sometimes it is just best to cannonball into the dating pool rather than dipping a toe. For Zeus sake, it’s just a date nothing more nothing less. Stop over thinking it and just treat it as an experience.

    Date event.

    1. Before a date, send a copy of your date’s profile to your trusted advisor friends – these friends may have swiped on your behalf and may have helped crafted some messages. Phone number. Picture. 
    2. Give them details as to where you will be going and the time.
    3. Dates for me is usually coffee for around 4ish. Coffee dates allows me to use my ridiculously stupid joke of how I take my coffee black like my soul – if they don’t laugh then already I know their humour is non sympatico to mine. Btw in regards to the timing of 4, if the date progresses well you can slyly suggest going someplace for a bite to eat. Now I did have a friend ask why wouldn’t I go for drinks. Many a dull person seemed so much more interesting when a couple of drinks have been consumed. Ask how can you keep yourself safe if you’re drinking? Alcohol lowers your inhibitions and impairs your judgement. So leave the alcohol for another day.
    4. I always go for coffee because it is cheap enough if they buy it and you don’t feel guilty for a €2.50 cuppa as its not a major investment. That way there is no expectations. Actually no one should expect any sort of payback if they offer to pay nor should you think you owe one. Be your own person and do not be worried about being rude in that regards.
    5. Generally speaking I give myself a time limit for the date (exception being if a date is going well). Half hour to 45 minutes is enough to gauge whether you want to progress to dinner or just end the date.
    6. Don’t leave your drink unattended. This is simply sound advice on dates and for when you go out. I’ve heard of both men and women being drugged so mind yourself.

    What are your top tips for online dating? What are the doozy profiles have you seen?

      Toilet swiping: modern dating? — January 3, 2017

      Toilet swiping: modern dating?

      Edit: this post talks about bowel movements. My friend said I am better than that so it will be the last time I talk about shit but note you can totally win over the ender 10s with fart jokes. 

      On New Year’s Day I mentioned my social media sabbatical and how I realised that most of my interaction on Facebook and Instagram was when I was in the toilet. 
      For the two days on social media sabbatical I replaced my need to scroll with the need to swipe on dating sites. Most mobile app based dating sites require users to swipe right for hell yeahs and left for the oh hellll no.

      Let me provide background. I am separated for a while. I believe this year I am finally allowed to apply for a divorce  (thank you Catholic Ireland đŸ˜‘). Note that my ex at one point in my life was exactly what I had needed in my life at that particular moment of our lives. Unfortunately we both moved in different life paths which made it evident that we would never reconcile. Let me also state that I didn’t reach this point of Zen about our past relationship till much much later. 

      Trying to juggle a job, motherhood, and a new health lifestyle change does not make it easy to meet men so I decided to give online dating a go again. I had tried it previously 5 years ago but the attempt was just filling a need to validate that I was still able to pull men in, that men still found me attractive. Anyways,  it’s not a basis in trying to establish a relationship when you need to seek outside justification for your self-worth. I had said it in a post today that in the past I had essentially became an extra in my life, that I allowed myself to fade in the background. You need to love yourself before you seek someone to love you. I digress. 

      Online dating:

      • Tried POF, didn’t like it because any ‘ole Tom, Dick, and Harry can contact you. Also there is some load of married men on there looking for side action. Schmucks. 
      • Tried and am still on Bumble however buy in is slow in Ireland and is more users in Cork or Dublin. Btw there seems to be loads of single guys in Galway, so ladies I suggest a visit there. 
      • Tinder. Lol. I initially downloaded it for my girlfriends to take a look at it on a night out. It was great source of entertainment and one friend was treating it like the slots. 3 consecutive matches! YES!! I have to admit that it’s not as sleazy as I thought it would be.

      All of these sites was actually accessed when I was on the toilet. I suspect most people doing the swipes is in their most vulnerable state with trousers at their ankles.

      So the questions I have is how serious do you think a relationship can be if you swiped while shitting? 

      Are you already dooming any hopes of something serious because you will associate your Tinder match with yesterday’s morning poo?


      Next time I will discuss tips in keeping yourself safe when you do decide to do coffee date and the ridiculous dating profiles I have seen.

      Social media sabbatical  — January 1, 2017

      Social media sabbatical 

      For the end of 2016 and beginning of 2017 I decided to take myself offline from Facebook and Instagram. 

      I didn’t want to end the year and start the new year with conflict, either through sharing of an article or by posting one of my many rants.  So I removed myself from those two platforms.  You see I’m an oversharer of my thoughts, I am obnoxiously opinionated, politically incorrect, and hugely inappropriate.  All are traits which can cause conflict.

      I will admit there was serious FOMO feeling of not being able to check in on what friends and family were doing.  Plus I also suspect that my cat and dog were not as receptive to my random musings as some of my friends are.

      Things that I have learned/pondered:

      • Waiting in a queue is unbearably long when you are unable to scroll through your news feed.
      • It was painful not being able to share an image of my brunch salad from The Pier Cafe in Tramore. (Delish btw)
      • What are you supposed to do in the loo? Which brought me to my next point…
      • Most of our interaction with our friends is probably when we are sitting on the toilet.

        That last point will be the basis of my next post.